"For dust you are,
and to dust you shall return."
—(Genesis 3:19)
In Judaism, death is a natural part of the lifecycle. Many laws and customs govern the process of death, burial and mourning. As are many Jewish practices, the Jewish death rituals show a healthy practicality. They exist to honor and show respect for the dead and to assist and comfort the living.
DEATH
Because Judaism puts such emphasis on the sanctity of life, Jewish law forbids euthanasia and physician-assisted suicide. However, although it is prohibited to speed death, it is not necessary to prolong life through artificial means.
The dying should not be left alone, but should be attended to vigilantly and treated with respect during their final moments. It is a mitzvah to be present at the side of the dying.
Judaism requires no deathbed confession. However, it is usual among traditionally observant Jews to say the vidui, a confessional prayer, when close to death:
Understand O Israel, the Lord our God is One. I acknowledge before Thee, my God, God of my fathers, that my recovery and my death are in Your hand. May it be Your will to heal me completely, but if I should die, may my death be an atonement for all the sins I have committed.
On first hearing of a death, it is customary to say, "Blessed are You, Lord our god, King of the Universe, the true Judge."
Chverah Kadisha
After a death, the first step is to call the rabbi. Most synagogues will assist with making necessary arrangements. Usually, they will contact the funeral home. If the community supports one, they will also contact the Chverah Kadisha, the sacred burial society.
In Judaism the body is seen as a holy vessel to contain the soul and is treated with reverence. In many communities there is a group of volunteers called Chverah Kadisha who are traditionally responsible for the preparation of the body for burial and for the burial, itself. Today, they may assist the funeral home. If no Chverah Kadisha exists, the synagogue usually will be associated a funeral home where the funeral director understands the traditional burial rites and is able to perform them.
The Chevrah Kadisha first wash the body thoroughly, reciting prayers as they perform this ritual physical cleansing. Then the deceased is dressed in tachrichin, the traditional burial shroud. Tachrichin are simple and usually handmade of white linen or cotton. Rich and poor alike, all Jews are buried in tachrichin, an expression of the equality in death. In recent times some liberal denominations permit the deceased to be dressed in regular clothing.
CASKET
After the ritual bathing and dressing, the deceased is placed in a casket. Judaism stipulates that caskets be plain and unadorned coffins, again as a statement of the equality of death. They should also be made of wood, preferably pine, and should have no metal parts. Because the body is to be returned to the earth, nothing should be done to hinder this process. Simple pine decomposes most quickly. For this reason traditional Judaism also is averse to embalming and above-ground internment, which impede the "return to dust." Cremation is not condoned because it destroys the body—an act not permitted to humans.
It is customary to put a small bag of earth or sand from Israel inside the casket. Once the body is laid to rest, the casket remains closed. Judaism does not provide for viewing of the body.
Out of respect for the deceased, the body should not be left alone from the moment of death until burial. Usually a shomer (guard) is appointed by family, synagogue or funeral home to stay beside the deceased at all times.
BURIAL
The funeral should take place within 24 hours, although 48 hours is permitted so that distant relatives may attend. Burial is not allowed on Shabbat or a festival, so it is permissible to postpone the funeral for these reasons, as well. The funeral occurs within a relatively short time after death because it is thought that, once the soul has returned to God, the body should be returned to the earth as soon as possible. Performing the burial soon after death also helps the bereaved to face the reality of death.
Just before funeral begins, the immediate family performs keriah, a ritual rending of one's clothes. The mourners make a small tear in their clothing, although some liberal Jews wear a black ribbon which is torn. Keriah symbolizes the torn heart of the bereaved.
Customarily a service is held at the funeral home at which psalms and prayers are recited. Jewish funeral services are brief and dignified. Often, the service includes Psalm 23, the memorial prayer El Maleh Rakhamin, the Mourner's Kaddish and an eulogy delivered by the rabbi or a family member or close friend.
After the service, friends who have been honored with the role carry the casket to the burial site. It is custom for the bearers to stop seven times along the way. It is said that the number seven symbolizes the seven times the word hevel (meaning "utter futility") appears in the Book of Ecclesiastes.
After the casket is placed in the grave, those present recite: "May he/she come to his/her place in peace." Traditionally each person at the graveside, beginning with those closest to the deceased, puts three shovels of dirt into the grave—replacing the shovel in the earth for the next mourner, rather than handing the shovel directly, to avoid "passing on death." Although this practice may at first seem macabre, it actually is based on much wisdom. For the bereaved, the sound of the earth on the casket has a undeniable finality that may help them accept the reality of their loved one's death.
For this reason, also, it is customary to wait at the grave until the casket is completely covered. It is customary to wash one's hands after leaving the graveside, as symbolic cleansing.
MOURNING
The period between death and burial is called aninut. During this time of intense grief, the chief mourners are not obliged to observe the mitzvot. Chief mourners are the seven closest relatives: mother, father, sister, brother, son, daughter and wife or husband. For these mourners, Jewish law distinguishes several stages of mourning that help them come to terms with their grief.
SHIVA
Following the funeral, the mourners return home, traditionally to the home of the deceased, and are given a meal called the seudat havraah, the meal of consolation. The meal is provided by friends and neighbors to relieve the bereaved of the need to prepare food. The meal customarily includes hard-boiled eggs, which are an ancient symbol of fertility and which signify the continuation of life in the face of death.
After the burial, the chief mourners enter a period of bereavement called shiva, a seven-day period of initial adjustment to their lose. Many customs and laws define shiva, all designed to assist the bereaved through the most difficult stage of mourning. Traditionally during this seven-day period, the mourners do not leave the house but are sheltered from everyday concerns by friends and relatives who come to visit.
Visiting during shiva is considered an important mitzvah. Customarily the first day of shiva is reserved for family members and close friends. During shiva, friends, relatives and neighbors bring food to the mourners, console and comfort them in their grief and help to form a minyan for the daily services so that they can recite Kaddish.
Beginning with shiva, traditionally observant mourners recite the Kaddish three times each day for eleven months. Kaddish can only be recited in presence of a minyan, which is one reason it is such an important mitzvah to visit a mourner's home during shiva. Kaddish is not a mourning prayer but a prayer of praise to God, and is recited as an expression of faith in the face of death.
After the funeral, a shiva candle traditionally is lit. This special memorial candle symbolizes the soul of the deceased and burns throughout the seven days of shiva. In traditional Jewish homes, mourners do not use cosmetics, shave or cut their hair, which are considered signs of vanity, an inappropriate emotion when the deceased's body so soon has begun to decay. They do not wear leather, which was thought a luxury in ancient times, nor do they engage in sexual relations. Mirrors are removed, turned to the wall or covered with white sheets to prevent one from an act of vanity. Those "sitting shiva" sit on low stools or the floor rather than chairs, as an expression of their grief.
On the seventh day, shiva ends, and it is customary for the mourner to venture out briefly. Since this is the first time they've left the house since the funeral, they are accompanied by a friend or relative who gives moral support. Traditionally, mourners attend synagogue services on the first Shabbat after shiva ends.
In some cases shiva does not last the entire seven days. When a Jewish holiday falls during the shiva period, shiva is terminated early. Today, many people observe a shortened shiva of three days or end shiva early on the first Shabbat after the funeral.
SHLOSHIM
With the conclusion of shiva, a period of mourning called sheloshim begins and continues until the thirtieth day after death. Mourning for spouses, children and siblings ends after thirty days; when the deceased is a parent, the mourner observes sheloshim for eleven months.
During sheloshim, the mourner returns to work and everyday life but refrains for attending festive gatherings such as weddings or parties. Mourners are also prohibited from visiting the grave of the deceased because, at this stage of mourning, it's important for them to get past their grief.
UNVEILING
On the first anniversary of death, the family gathers at the graveside for the dedication of a gravestone. There is no set ceremony for this occasion, but it is an important milestone for the mourners, often signaling a new beginning. Frequently, an eulogy is given and Psalm 23, El Maleh Rakhamin and Kaddish are recited. The gravestone is covered with a white linen cloth, which is removed during the ceremony to "unveil" the stone.
The stone is engraved with the name of deceased (usually in Hebrew and in English) and the dates of birth and death (both the Hebrew and secular dates). Sayings, verse or statements of love are also common.
When visiting a graveside, it's customary to place a small stone on the gravestone as a way of showing that the grave has been visited and the departed remembered.
YAHRZEIT AND YIKZOR
Each year on the anniversary of the death (by the Hebrew calendar), Yahrzeit is observed by the relatives. Yahrzeit is a day of commemorance, commemorating the deceased. A special yahrzeit candle is lit and the Kaddish is recited. If possible, the relative visits the graveside.
In addition to yahrzeit, the deceased is formally remembered on four other occasions during the year. On Yom Kippur and on the last day of the three pilgrim festivals (Shemini Atzeret, Passover and Shavuot), memorial prayers for the dead, called Yikzor prayers, are said together by the congregation in the synagogue.